I was never bothered by the fact how people came into my life and just leave. I've always felt that if anyone wants to leave, I would just let them go. I wouldn't plead them to stay, nor would I even bother asking them to stay. Why? Because I don't see a point in making them stay. They already have the intention to leave, so what to plead them or even bother to go through all sorts of means just to make them stay? And so what if you managed to make them stay in your life? The fact is, they've already had the intention to leave before, making them stay wouldn't actually mean that they wouldn't leave again.

Furthermore, they could only be staying only on the reason because you want them to stay, and not because they genuinely/sincerely want to stay. Would you honestly be happy if you're able to make someone stay, but they're not staying because they actually want to?

It's like being in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you. So what if you're able to have this person? You don't have their heart at all, isn't it all just so pointless and meaningless? Cuz at the end of the day, you'd just be so depressed, insecure, paranoid, hurt, and there's nothing you could do about it.

I've trained myself to be independent and to never rely on others, but only on myself, as well as to learn to live without having to need anyone. That's why I wouldn't bother if anyone wanted to leave. If they want to leave, go ahead. I wouldn't bother to make you stay at all. Having myself would already be enough, I can do without having anyone.

This was how I have always thought, how my mentality has always been. Why? I'm just so sick and tired of how people often come and go. Honestly, I don't want to lose any more precious people or things in my life again. But am I capable enough to prevent all these from happening? Nope. No one is. This is just part and parcel of life.

When you lose somebody, you can't do anything. You'd only be left with a hole in your heart where that person was once in.

Truthfully speaking, I'm already used to or immune to how people just leaving my life without a reason or just out of the blue. After my grandmother passed away, my life was shattered. On top of that, after my precious hamster died, I shut everything away from me and it was how from then that I got used to how people left me. Because even the dearest person and hamster which I only had in my life, and meant everything to me, had already left. What more have I got to lose?

I know some of you, or perhaps all of you would be thinking, "huh why her hamster also mean everything to her sia?" Or "hamster only, what can an animal who can't even speak or do anything at all, actually mean so much to her?" Haha! I get it, it just sounds ridiculous I know. But hey, never judge or assume until you hear the story fully.

Unlike almost all of you, I have no one, literally no one in my family whom I could share my problems with, whom I could trust, whom would be there for me, whom would show me even the slightest tinge of family love or care, basically no one who'd actually treat me as a proper family member. Only my grandmother. However, she passed away.

Subsequently, I'd gotten a hamster named hamham (typical hamster name hahah) and she was my first pet. She was the only living thing I pathetically shared my problems to and cry to whenever I fell out with my family members at home. She was the only living thing at home with whom I could share my things and problems. She just literally revolved around my world at that point in time, since I was just a primary school kid with 0% of freedom to go out, thus I would spend the majority of my time with her.

But we all know, all living things tend to die someday, it's inevitable. Well, she died on 30/9/10. My parents disallowed me to get another pet, and that was how I resorted to writing a diary since 13, all the way till now. I think the majority of you guys are fortunate enough to have at least 1 person at home who'd be there for you, who'd side you, whom you could trust. Everyone around me tends to have at least 1 person in their family for them. Be thankful and count your blessings, really. You have no idea how blessed you are, even if you only have 1 person for you.

On the other hand, having no one isn't all that bad as well. There are definitely advantages and disadvantages to every single thing that happens in life. Most of you, or probably all of you, think that life is unfair. True. However, life is fair in a way that even if you lose something, you'd gain something in return, vice versa.

In my opinion, I think that the advantage of not having anyone would enable and allow you to learn to be down to earth, independent and to rely on your own. You'd also be able to appreciate even the slightest things people do for you, and you'd be able to know the true value of certain things which many people aren't able to because they are just that fortunate and blessed enough to not go through traumatizing life events which would cause them to ponder and not take things for granted.

Like I said previously, although I wouldn't care enough to make anyone stay if they wanted to leave, I would care enough to ensure that people who are precious to me, stay in my life. It's because these people whom you are fighting for or trying so hard for, to make them stay, means the world to you, that you don't mind sacrificing for them to make them stay. Because they are that precious to you, and you just can't do without them.