Just another short update so as to not keep my blog dead hahah!

Gotten my mid-year examination results today and they were really terrible as always. Bs and Cs throughout. Has anyone of you ever tried so hard to revise and study all day for hours, and at the end of the day, you get results which aren't what you wanted, and they are just so horrible you don't even want to look at it?

I really find it so infuriating whenever I study so hard for hours, burning midnight oils, just to get all these shitty results. Anyone feel me? As though my results are playing a joke on me. Seriously?

I have never once studied in my life, not even during my PSLE. Like what on earth is studying to me? I was even playing maple story when I was having my PSLE hahahah ! Well, of course, I regretted. The only time I ever studied was during secondary 2 end of year examinations because I didn't want to get into the last express class, (and I didn't, thank God) and when I began Secondary 4. But studying seems so redundant because even when I've studied, I'm still getting the same old atrocious results.

It's my O levels year. I will be taking my O levels in about 5 months time, and I'm still getting atrocious results. Worse still, I will be taking my Chinese O levels just next Monday, less than 3 days from now, and I only got a B4 for Chinese. I want to get an A1/A2 and I have to. But looking back at my Chinese results makes me feel like it's likely to be possible.

The only motivation I can get from my results is from my class position hahah ! 10/40. It may seem to be something I shouldn't even be proud of, but for once in my entire secondary school life, my class position is below 20 and no words can describe how elated I am. Of course, a class position can never help you with anything because it's not as though you'd be able to get a job with shitty results by telling your boss, "but boss, look at my class position, I number 10 leh". *sighs*

Imagine all that you're working so hard for, with all that stress, anxieties, depressions, etc you have to face, it's only just for that one piece of paper which would determine your life and your future.

I don't know what to do anymore honestly. I study and study, and up till now, I've never gotten a single distinction for any of my subjects this year. It's so demoralising I swear, and I really feel like crying. But what's the use of crying? It's not going to make or do any significant help at all. The only thing I can do is try harder. But what if you've already tried your best, and it's still never enough?

All I know right now is that no matter what, I've got to stay strong and persevere no matter what. If any of you guys are facing similar situations like me, convince yourself that no matter what, you can cry/scream/have emotional nights/etc, but NEVER give up. All these will end, definitely. You just have to keep ongoing. Once everything is over, you'd be able to look back all that you've persevered and suffered so far, and savour the ending moments of all these excruciating past and I'm sure the feeling would be really comforting.

Like how after I'm done taking my Chinese O levels, I'd be able to say "fuck you, Chinese" because after that, I'm never ever gonna take Chinese anymore. I think when that moment arrives, I'd definitely be on cloud 9.

And when the "good" comes out, you'd know that all the terrible things that have happened, would all be worth it. Good luck, all the best, and 加油 to me and you guys ! ○^__^○