Will be writing about my story in Temasek Polytechnic so far for the past 1 year I've been in here. I just feel like pouring whatever that I had experienced here in this space of mine each year, so someday I can look back after I've graduated, and give myself a pat on the shoulder saying: Well done, I'm proud of myself.

To be very honest, my Year 1 in TP generally sucks. If I would rate it on a scale of 10 how must it sucks, I'll give it a 9/10. 

Sem 1.1

When I first came into poly, I was extremely excited. I worked hard and aimed for this course which I am in right now (Culinary and Catering Management) for 5 straight years, ever since I was 11 because nothing interests me other than desserts. And of all schools in Singapore, TP has the best culinary school. TP was located in the far east while I stay in the far west.
I did not mind travelling at all.
I mean like after all, this is what I am interested in and most passionate about, why would distance even be a hindrance to me?

I started wanting to become a pastry chef at a tender age of 11, after watching an anime called "Yumeiro patissiere" when it first came out, I'm not even kidding.

I know being just only 11 years old, it is still considered quite young to know what I wanted to do in the future for a living.

Many people thought I was joking. Some thought I was bullshitting. Some thought it was just a fantasy dream. Some people even mocked at me.
The ones who mocked at me were my relatives and my family.
They would say things like, "no future one lah."

In addition, many people also just kept telling me when I grew older, I would change what I wanted to do in future.

Unfortunately, it has currently been 7 years, and I still wanna be a pastry chef. #neverdoubtme #peace

All my friends and even my family kept telling me to consider again because TP is really too far, and it's the furthest poly away from my home.

They would say things like, "you siao ah? / you go school 1 month only, the rest all MC already. / you confirm every day late one. / etc"

The worst of all was none of my secondary school friends were going to TP.
I'm the only insane one going to TP.

My father was also super reluctant in allowing me to go TP and asked me to go NYP instead cuz there was a f&b course too.

Hell no dad.

Coming to a foreign school all alone is really a challenge.
But I just kept thinking positively.
I told myself I wanna travel far, so I can make more friends from all sides of Singapore.

I did not even think about what I would do if one day I needed someone to be there for me since I'm coming here all alone with legit, not a single friend.
I just knew no matter what I just wanted to go to Temasek poly.

As an extremely stubborn person, nothing can change my mind once I've made my decision.

So yes, Culinary was my first choice, followed by Early childhood education in Ngee Ann Poly. (Yes, I love kids. So if I can't be a pastry chef, I don't mind being a childcare teacher no joke LOL!)

We had freshman orientation camp which lasted for 2 days and it sucked so badly it was the worst camp I've ever experienced. My class was super not bonded as well. I did not really talk much with my classmates too and I was all alone. 

Soon after, school started. I started talking to my classmates and brought up the topic "anime" to see who had the same interest as I did. There were 4 other classmates (2 guys and 2 girls) who watched anime too just like I did. Therefore, we managed to click and we became a "clique". 

We ate together, we formed project groups together, we attended class together, we ate after school together, we joined our class's student ambassadors together, we sat together every single day, be it tutorials or lectures, we did almost everything in school together.

I had so much fun with them every day. Friends mattered a lot to me in school because they were my motivation to come to school each day since I stayed so far.

I really loved this clique a lot. I trusted them and I treated them like my good friends.

However, things took a really huge turn a few months later....

My clique secretly marked me down for our project's peer evaluation...

Peer evaluation is something very confidential in poly and it's something our tutors will never show.

I wouldn't have known about this because they continued to treat me nice and friendly.

I saw it though because there was that 1 particular module that showed our grades for every single component, including peer evaluation, and it showed the entire course's grades.

You wouldn't know whose grades are whose though unless you know that person's admission number. That module was Introduction to hospitality and tourism.

I went to check my results. The first few components were good, mostly As and 1 B. And then I saw the last column, "Peer evaluation: D"

I was really shocked and I kept checking whether I was looking at the correct admission number.

I kept checking and checking and finally, I decided to accept the harsh reality that I was really marked down.

I went to check my clique's grades too and looked at their peer evaluation. All of them got an A.

I immediately cried on the spot. My best friend, Jamie was there and I remember I broke down in the middle of Jurong East bus interchange.

Before this module's results were released, I had another tutor from another module who came to speak to me too. She said, "one of your group mates have complained about you, so remember to do your work well." This was the one and the only module we didn't group as an entire clique. 2 of my project group mates were just my normal classmates whom I did not really converse with.

So I came to a conclusion that the ones who complained about me were them, not my clique at all. 

I didn't doubt my clique at all until the last day of school when our IHT results were released and I saw I got a D for my peer evaluation.

I don't know if you guys could feel how hurt I was but let me tell you, the word "hurt" is an understatement to describe how I really felt at that point in time.

I trusted them.

I didn't even have a single doubt in them. I didn't.

I cried so badly.

This also means that the ones who complained about me in my other module weren't my classmates which I wrongfully assumed, it was them...

Subsequently, I went to send a really long text to one of the girls in my clique and asked her why.

She replied me back with a really long text but in summary this was what she said, "Gillian, we really wanted to tell you this for a very long time but we just don't know how to bring it up to you. We felt that you give low-quality work."

Hahahah.

So if I didn't bring this issue up them, if this module didn't show our grades for every component, I am very sure they wouldn't even tell me about it. They did not even tell me anything about my work. They marked me down, just like that.

The worst thing of all?

I don't even know how and where you guys get the conscience in you to still act and treat me so nicely and friendly after doing such a thing. Why? How?

From here, it just shows from the very start, you guys didn't treat me as a friend at all because if you guys really did, in the first place you guys would come straight to me and let me know my faults or wrongs, instead of just marking me down indiscreet.

Even so, I apologised. Why? Because I felt that it was my fault for not putting in a lot of effort into doing my work. I apologised because I know I didn't do as much work as compared to you guys and I felt really apologetic. I apologised, because I treated you guys as my true friends from the very start, and I still had the thought of trying to salvage this friendship.

Sadly, none of you guys bothered to apologise to me or even talk to me after that.

You guys probably don't even feel a thing after all, I wasn't your friend in the first place, am I?

Probably just an extra in the clique haha.

At that point in time when I sent that message, I decided to cut all ties with them as well.

It really hurts so much.

I fully trusted them.

I really didn't expect this at all.

It probably hurts so much because never in my life has any of my friends done such a thing to me before.

My mum always taught me, treat others how you want others to treat you.

I have never failed to always be nice to others, not because I want others to treat me equally nice, but because I just want to feel appreciated.

But what did I get in return this time?

Lol.

I guess I was too naive.

I trust people too easily.

From that incident onward, my hatred in them built up so so so badly.

I absolutely hated them to the core.

I bore a huge grudge towards them.

To be very honest, I hardly ever hate anyone, nor do I bear any grudges.

This was the very first time I bore such a vengeful grudge I'm not even kidding.

However after the incident, one of the girls still bought me a hello kitty mouse as a souvenir when she went back to China.

I was really shocked and surprised...

The other girl even asked me if I wanted to join them for lunch...

Why? I thought you guys hated me? You guys marked me down. Why are you still treating me so nicely?

I felt so bad for hating them and even bearing a grudge...

I don't know whether they're genuinely nice or they're just trying to be nice.

When people treat me nice, I'll automatically think they're nice people.

But now I don't even know how to differentiate at all.

I am just too naive and I really can't help it.

I really want to believe they're sincerely nice.

But I can't now.

Once bitten, twice shy.

From that day onward, I'll always put a barrier around people.

I will no longer fully trust people anymore.

Maybe now if someone were to do such a thing to me again, it wouldn't hurt so bad.

I probably wouldn't even give a fuck anymore.

My secondary school has always been extremely fun to me because of my friends. They were all genuine. I treated all my friends equally nice, and I was treated the same way back.

I thought that you guys treated me as a good friend/classmate too.

I thought if I treated you guys nice, you guys would do the same too.

I guess not.

People always say, the best kind of friends you can ever find in your life would be in secondary school. Some may disagree, but in general, it is the fact. Yes, my secondary school friends were the best to me.

This incident really impacted me a lot.

It stayed on my mind and whenever I tell this incident to any of my friends, I will break down into tears.

It hurts.

I probably seem like a weak person constantly crying. I'm just an extremely sentimental person that's all.

I remember I went to a bar called Wala Wala at holland village with Wei kang to drink all my sorrows away.

It was my worst drinking experience. I drank a lot and poured out to Wei kang. I told him about my "clique" and asked him, “他们为什么要这样对我？” (why must they treat me like this?)

I cried and cried and cried.
It was around 1am.
I vomited non-stop at the back of Wala Wala too.

After that fateful night, I told myself to let it go and move on. I will never ever allow myself to cry because of them anymore, and I will never ever allow such a thing to happen to myself ever again.

I stopped being so naive, and I stopped trying to trust people so easily again.

I promised myself, I will never ever let anyone walk all over me again.

But one thing for sure, I know I will never stop treating people nice just because my kindness was taken for granted.

Being nice is a choice, and even if people don't treat you equally nice, you don't stop being nice. You treat people nicely because you want to, and not because you are aiming to get something back in return.

I did not see them anymore because this incident happened during our study week. I saw them again during exams but I just treated them as invisible. Exams ended and our holidays arrived.

I felt so depressed and devastated, I did not want to see them anymore. I have no one in school I could rely on. I just felt so despondent and helpless. I wished I went to other polys because all my friends were in other polys, just not TP. I told my mum and asked her if she allowed me to transfer to Ngee ann poly, and she said if I wanted to, I would have to pay my school fees myself.

Game over, life sucks.

This means I would have to tolerate for another 2 more years before I graduate.

Fuck this shit :):):):)

It's really saddening. I worked so hard for this course for 5 years and I totally regretted coming here.

They always say: Never regret anything, because at one point it was exactly what you wanted.

Yup true, but I agree only to a certain extent. This course was what I wanted, but it wasn't what I had expected it to be.

It was exactly what I wanted most, and I worked my ass off for this course. But what I experienced in school for the past few months destroyed all my hopes and motivation.

It sucks so badly and I still have to deal with it for another 2 more years.

However, one thing I do not regret is that at least I worked hard to achieve and attain what I've always dreamt of. At least I was successful. At least I had the opportunity to come into the course I dreamt of comingAt least I got what I had wanted.

After all these time, what have I learnt?



Sums up my semester 1.1.

Sem 1.2

My timetable turned out great, praise the lord. I ended school at 2pm on Monday, 1pm on Friday and 4pm on the rest of the days. I did not even have to come to school on Wednesday.

Everything was a breeze because this just means time would pass quicker.

Just like what my friends who convinced me not to go TP said, "you go school 1 month only, the rest MC already." ALMOST true enough, I went to all my lessons on the 1st week of school, and starting from the 2nd week, I started to skip school and take MC already because I just did not want to face those classmates of mine and I had no motivation to come to school.

So yeah my life in sem 2 was quite shiok. I skipped almost all lectures too and school to me was a place I went for the sake of attendance.

Even though I often skipped school, I told myself to work extra hard for this semester and do better. I told myself I will put in more effort to do my projects.
Sounds rather ironic I know.

I never grouped with my previous clique anymore.

I grouped in a group whereby whichever group is lacking a member, I would just join.

Sounds pathetic? I don't think so.

My project grades for all my modules weren't less than a B, they were mostly As.

Amen, God is good! XD

Sometimes I'll ponder and ask myself, does the problem lies with me or it's just my classmates?

The answer came to me soon on 2 occasions, and on these 2 occasions, I witnessed them first-hand.

The 1st occasion: I was in the lecture room and I sat right at the back. My classmates sat right in front of me. I saw one of them borrowing a laptop from one of my classmates and emailing my tutor from Macroeconomics.

So what was the content? By the way, I have perfect eyesight and I could clearly see what she wrote.

She asked my macroeconomics teacher to remove one of her project group mates from her group because he wasn't contributing at all and was always absent.

I was totally like what the fuck when I saw what she wrote. Must you really go to the extent of asking him to be removed from your group? If he has no group, he would fail and you clearly know that. By the way, fail = remodule = might retain for another year.

Seriously... I really hate this fucked up system in Poly.
Group projects just suck lol. It could make or break friendships, and most of the time, they break friendships and you'd be able to see one's true colours.

2nd occasion: Macroeconomics project. One of my group mates just quit school out of the blue. The best part was he was in charge of 1 out of 3 parts of the project. It was a large component and he just left like that.

To that group mate of mine

Thank God our macroeconomics teacher was kind enough to give us an extra week to submit our project. But do you know what my classmates did?

At the end of the class, they went to confront my teacher and said it was unfair for us to get an extra week because they had a group mate who was always absent and doesn't do any work too.

So my teacher said to be fair, she would give them another week too.

Most Marvelous part of all, they said they didn't want the extra week. They just didn't want my group to have an extra week.


I introduce to you, my classmates.

So yeah anyway, by the grace of God, we still managed to attain an A for our Macroeconomics project yay!

To add on, I told myself I had to do something about my situation. I couldn't live my school life this monotonous, miserable and pathetic way.

My aim was to at least make 1 or 2 genuine friends in poly which could last a lifetime.

So yeah, I went to join the Student Leader camp HAHAHAH!

Actually to be very honest, I'm not a really super crazy, friendly and open person. I am only when I'm comfortable with people. Otherwise, your first impression of me would actually come across as gentle, or shy, or reserve or bimbotic or ahlian???????

I was quite reluctant to join because I had to go for an interview.

You know what guys, I dread interviews most I swear. Oh my gosh, I HATE HATE HATE interviews.

However, my friend decided to join too so we went together.
Ok la I thought if my friend accompanied me, I would be less nervous.
But you know what?
They separated us during the interview.

 VERY GOOD!

Worst of all during the interview, the 2 other girls who were interviewing with me, knew each other and here I am like a potato not knowing what to do or say.

They were also super hyped up lah wtf man.

And I have no idea why the interviewer asked us to sing our fave song and say why is it our fave song too during the interview.

I instantly went blank.

Guys, I don't listen to English songs, at all.

I only listen to Japanese, Chinese and Cantonese songs, legit.

Obviously Japanese and Cantonese songs were out since it is more legit to sing a song people generally understand????

Okay, so Chinese songs. Sian leh all the Chinese songs I listen to are all emo songs sia.

Then if I sing emo song, what am I supposed to say?

I had a heartbreak recently and this song suits my story most that's why it's currently my fave song. / The lyrics to it explains my sad life. / This song just sounds nice that's why. / Idk cuz this singer is so hot. / You know what, I just love emo songs.

LIKE WHUT. CANNOT RIGHT.

So I was like fuck it lah, then I went to sing a super mega old song called 朋友 which I believe a lot of you have heard before, cuz it's like the only song which sounds legit for me to explain why is it my fave song. You'll see why.

The lyrics to it goes like this:

朋友一生一起走
那些日子不再有
一句话一辈子
一生情一杯酒

Friends one life walk together

Those times no more already

One sentence, one forever

One friendship, one pint of beer

Honestly, I don't know how do you translate this properly and correctly so here's my own direct translation, can understand can already lah hor.

So yah, then I told (bullshit to be exact) the interviewer that this was my favourite song because it is so meaningful. It explains that you only have 1 life and that true friends are hard to come by too, so learn to cherish those true friends you have around. Your friends are the ones besides your family, who'd walk with you in your journey of life. You wouldn't know when you're gonna just leave this world, so this song always serves as a reminder to me, to always not take things for granted especially my friends, and learn to appreciate the little things in life. 

#philosophergillian #bullshitlevelmax #bestactressaward

HAHAHAHAH!

Okie jokes aside, I really did mean what I said. If I were to name something important in my life other than my family, it would be my friends. I cherish friendships a lot, and I thought of my secondary school friends when I said those words.

So yeap after singing, the interviewer asked us to do a cheer in front of the entire business concourse where everyone was walking along. 

And I was like what the fuck fam.

Couldn't say no what right. 

So yeah, I went ahead and cheered so damn loudly with the other 2 girls (thank God the interviewer asked us to cheer together LOL) and we were done with this retarded interview.

To be honest, I didn't expect myself to get in.

But I did, by the grace of God once again.

Unfortunately, my friends didn't get in. 

Which means I'm all alone.

Fortunately, my friend who didn't manage to get in introduced her good friend to me who got in alone too. 

Thank God at least I had someone I sort of knew.

So that fateful day arrived when it was time for the 3 days and 2 nights SL camp.

But you know things just have to always cock up for me. 

My friend and I were separated into different empires.

She went to Clavox, while I was in Hydrax. 

I knew no one at all. 

And I was like, I wanna go home. 

But even so, I just went with the flow and see how it went. 

I'm not going to go into details about the camp otherwise, this blog is neverending omg.

To sum it up, SL camp was one of the best camps I've ever taken part in.

Why?

Because of the people I met in Hydrax. 

This green heart emoji is our signature "logo" by the way.

SL camp was the best part of my entire year 1 in poly.

It was because of the people I met in Hydrax, it was because of SL camp that made me gave an 8/10 of how much poly sucks to me. If it weren't for Hydrax, how much poly sucked to me would be 10/10. 

I am so glad I challenged myself to take part in this event even when I knew I had to go for an interview which is something I dreaded most. 

I am so glad I got accepted into being an SL. 

I am so glad I didn't give up and went home when I knew I was gonna be alone. 

I am so glad I was placed into Hydrax because Hydrax is like legit the most bonded empire (everyone agrees in general). 

I finally felt that for once, these people are genuine even though we only just met.

We bonded so well even though we only had 3 days and 2 nights.

I don't know if any of you guys might actually see this but

I just wanna say from the very bottom of my heart,

Thank you Hydrax, for making my year 1 not so bad after all.

I really appreciate and love each and every one of you, I mean it.

Thank God for you guys really. 

I may sound exaggerating but trust me guys, you would probably have no idea how much I really treasure this empire, or to be exact, this group of people.

Probably because these people are the first kind of people I for once, felt were genuine and I could legit click with. 

Subsequently after SL camp, it was week 0 camp which was a camp to welcome the freshies!

The purpose of SLs was to take charge of taking care of our own course's freshies. 

So yeap, I took charge of CCM class 1J02.

To cut short, 1J02 was extremely bonded and probably the most bonded out of all classes.

I felt really happy for them.

Ahhhh, how I wish I retained a year and join this class too. 

HAHA JOKE I then don't want to waste a year of my life man. Faster graduate and get poly over and done with.

So yeah, now I'm preparing for Semester 2.1. Culinary Practicum. 

God bless me guys.

Overall, year 1 was really tough for me. Coming to poly from sec school was a huge transition to me and I believe, to most of us.

Coming to poly taught me a lot.

It was an absolutely different environment compared to secondary school.

I met almost all sorts of people here.

The worst kind were the ones who were so obsessed with getting good results, they "读书读到不会做人。"study until they literally forgot how to be human."

What do I mean?

In order to achieve good results or let's just say GPA 4.0, they are willing to betray/backstab/sabotage or do literally anything just for their own benefits.

A lot of people here behave in a way: Work is work, friends are friends. They don't mix friendships with work. If you don't perform well, whether or not if you guys are friends, they are still going to mark you down.

Some people are also going to act all nice and treat you nice for the sake of group work.

On the other hand, I also met really nice people too.

In reality:

When you go out to the working world, that's where you'd experience the real world. School is just a part of it, it is just a glimpse of what the working world will be like.

Life is just full of setbacks and adversities.

People come and go.

The ones who stay are the ones you know are genuine, and would be there for you when you need help or someone to rely on. These people are the ones you should treasure and never take for granted.

3 important things I've learnt in the past 1 year of poly so far:
Learn to survive, be independent, and do not simply trust anyone.

Lastly, at the end of the day...

Thank you for reading!
All the best to you guys.


Signing off,
Gillian