Secondary 1: Well, to sum up my entire secondary 1 life, it was all about being lonely, ostracised and hated. Yes guys, I was disliked by many people because I was seen as a "step one ahlian" kind of person HAHAH! Indeed, I acted like one. E.g. Fringe down, folded skirt and ankle socks?

P.s. So yeah to any girls/guys around my age at that point in time, I strongly encourage you to not act like me in the past please hahah! Look at how I was in the past man, totally a joke, so embarrassing and childish omg! You won't wanna follow my footsteps yo! DEFINITELY NOT COOL PLS AH.

Initially, I was well-liked by my classmates. I was even voted to become the class chairperson. (DON'T MAKE FUN PLS I KNOW YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IT, I ALSO, LIKE WHAT THE HECK GILLIAN CHAIRPERSON YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME HAHAHAH YAH IKR but don't liddat la must give me chance hahah! :p)

I still remember our first camp which was at the zoo. (I swore to never step into the zoo again after the camp) Slept in tents shared with 5 people which were flooded with water because of the rain and we had no shelter?! I still remember laughing at how my friends slept and all the stupid things we did hahah!

A lot of girls in my class disliked me and spread rumours about me because of this one senior that liked me which a girl in our class likes lol. My friends left me out and I became all alone. I hated the word "group" in my class so much. Whenever I hear this word, I'll be like "wah shit" and I'll ask to go to the restroom to skip that period, all because I haven't had any group I could go to. Anyone knows how much this feeling sucks? The worst thing is, when I come back from the toilet, my teacher will be like, "go and find a group" and I'll be like standing there pathetically looking at her before she assigns me to a group. E.g. There was this one time I was assigned to this very group where everyone disliked me, we had to play this game where everyone simply join hands across one another and try to twist here and there to untangle that knot we created with our hands. I was somehow pushed out of the group and the teacher told me to go back to the group. I went back and got pushed out again somehow lol. So i'm like okay that's it.

I was left all alone, had no one to go to and thus, wrote diaries to keep me company, I still have them with me and whenever I read them, I'll be like "wah gillian what have you been doing in life?! Why your English so cui, why you so pathetic forever saying you left out, and why you forever scolding people one." HAHAHAH!

However, the most indelible moment in sec 1 which I'll never ever forget, was the part where my form teacher had actually asked the class whether they wanted to change the vice chairperson and chairperson right in front of me and chester (vice chairperson). The most hurtful thing was when you see people raising up their hands. Can you imagine that scenario? Can you actually feel how hurtful it felt when you see your classmates raising their hands, voting to change you? The best thing is Chester and I had to even vote to choose our chairperson and vice chairperson LOL!

I was on the verge of breaking down into tears but I held on till the bell rang, and I ran down to the 1st floor changing room toilet and cried there. Apparently, the 1st floor changing toilet room has always been one of my most frequent place because that was where I always hid and cried hahah!

However, I was fortunate enough to have friends like Evan and Paolo who stood by me despite all the bad things going round about me. I also had friends from other classes and the one I'll never forget is Melissa. :-)

Thank you for being my friend and thank you for standing by me when I was at my wit's end. I will never ever forget you guys because you guys were that glimmer of hope I had. Really, thank you so much.

Secondary 1 was one phase in life I hated most, but I'm thankful for what I've gone through as it has built me up into a stronger person. :-)

Secondary 2: Secondary 2 was similar to Secondary 1 too. It wasn't very bad but still as bad as Sec 1 HAHAH! I reconciled with my friends but still, there were plenty of hypocritical dramas going on as usual like how I treated this girl as my really good friend but sadly, she disliked me, talked behind my back but still pretended to like me.

So yup, to start off with sec 2, we went to Malacca for our camp.

However during the trip, for some reason my friends left me out again on purpose. No one remembers the reason till now hahah! I still vividly remember it was the last day which was on the 3rd day when I was ostracised again.

I still remember we went to this kampong place to play games. We were separated into 2 groups. My friends including me consisted of 4 people (let's name my 3 friends A, B, C) "A", "C" and I were in one group, and "B" was in another. "A" asked a malay guy quite loudly, "can you change with "B" or not, so she can come here." Then the malay guy said, "then what about gillian?" And I totally heard that LOL. "A" kept quiet and whispered behind me. I was really dejected so I went over to "B" and told her to switch with me cuz "A" wants her there. "B" then sort of shove me off saying "I don't want to go over" Then I'm like, 自作自受 (act myself and suffer the consequence) hahah!

I was then not invited to play the games at all. No one bothered, cared or even noticed, not even the teachers lol. I sat at one corner, looked at the sky, suddenly thought of my late grandmother and almost wanted to cry but of course I held it in. However, my friend Evan just had to suddenly come over, look at me and ask "eh you okay or not?" and then kaboom, I broke into tears. Anyone feel me?! That moment when you were holding your tears so badly and cuz someone cared, someone showed that small little act of care and you just explode.

Hahahah I will never forget that moment. :') Even after being left out, thankfully my guy friends invited me to sit with them and have lunch with them. I got along well with the guys in my class more than the girls ironically. Even though I had a bunch of guy friends, I didn't want to hang out with them cuz I didn't want to be called a flirt hahah (right?! Sec sch little bit also called flirt zzz lame) and thus, I was all alone again. 

Additionally, secondary 2 was a phase in life I hated most as well because my friend whom I had always treated as a good friend which was "A", had ruined the relationship between me and the guy whom I had always liked a lot for a pretty long time (about a year?) and the fact that she knew I liked him. Not only that, she told him all the bad things, flaws, imperfections and probably some unreal things about me to him too. Totally destroyed my image portrayed to him so badly. She did tons of stuff to me like pouring green tea on my seat in the parade square, telling me she went steady with the guy I liked (which was fake), telling me lies, talking behind my back, and still pretended to be my friend. I was a pretty foolish and naive person. I always believed her lies and I trusted her.

Many things happened, she got ostracised and subsequently changed into a much better, nice and sweet person. I've forgiven her, not because she had changed but because even though she caused me so much misery, there were still some point in time when she made me smile, laugh and treated me really nice. Even if they were to be fake, at least she made me happy, and for that I forgive her.

We were streamed into different classes when we got into sec 3. Even so, what we've gone through will never be forgotten. I still remember how you slept in the tent during the zoo camp in sec 1 and how I placed both your hands on your boobs while you were sleeping so soundly and took a photo of it HAHAHAH! I also remember how when I only wanted to borrow some of your dramas to watch, you just gave it to me instead. Not 1, not 2, but 3 DVDs. If you happen to read this, just remember that I still treat you as my good friend and thank you for all the memories we shared be it good or bad. :-)

Secondary 3: This was when things took a better change for me probably because all of us in the express stream got streamed into different classes.

Ashlyn became my best friend officially!!!! Well honestly, she was a bitch to me during sec 1 and 2. She hated me too and she was one of those classmates who voted to change me as the chairperson. HAHAH! She's pretty dense even till now hahah! She didn't realise all the hurt she had inflicted onto me only after I allowed her to read one of my diaries. That was when things took a gradual change and she treated me even better than before and it was literally as if she was possessed by an angel, I'm not kidding okay hahah! She wrote me a card guys, SHE WROTE ME A CARD WHICH IS 1/99999999 PROBABILITY SHE'D EVER WRITE SOMEONE A CARD HAHAH! She told me she felt really guilty after she read my diary.

Breelyn was one of my best friends in school too along with Ashlyn. Breelyn and I had a very complicated friendship. We can be friends and not friends one moment and another hahah! But when we began sec 3, such things stopped happening already probably because we've learnt to stop being so childish.

Even though sec 3 was a turning point in life for me, there was still a moment in sec 3 when I felt really sad too and it was during Pahang trip. Pahang trip was the best to me out of all the other camps I've been to, simply because I wasn't left out and I enjoyed myself to the fullest,

I had this clique which started in sec 2 called, "12JBAGS". It consisted of 7 people in the clique. 12 = R, which meant Randall. 2J = Jarran and Junjie. B was Breelyn, A was Ashlyn, G was for me and S for Skye.

We hanged out together almost everyday after school, going to nearby malls like Westmall or Lot 1 to have our lunch. I also remember during our end of year holidays, we went to Sentosa to play too! Such reminiscence guys. :')

Unfortunately, during Pahang trip, this clique was somehow disbanded simply because one of them left the clique and I believe that it was because all of us became separated after we were streamed into different classes and found new friends.

I still remember that moment during Pahang trip when one of our clique members said to this member that left, "eh you still in our clique or not?" That member either shrug his/her shoulders or ignored my friend and that's when my friend said, "just fuck off from our clique". That was when I knew this clique was over. A whole lot of memories flushed through my mind in that instant, and I realised that what we've been through together was gone, it'll never come back anymore, and that was when I started to break down and cry.

I sound like a crybaby guys hahahah but it just feels so hurtful to me. I wonder if anyone knows how this exactly feels. It's like we're not gonna eat together, play together, have fun together and go out together anymore. That member became strangers with us and we stopped talking. To know that something or someone is not gonna come back anymore and all you're left with are merely memories. And all I'm actually left with affiliated to this clique is our clique tee. All the moments we once shared, those joy, laughter, fun times, all just gone.

It was hard for me to accept, but I still accepted it reluctantly anyway. I just want to thank each and every one of you guys for being part of this clique, for allowing me to be part of this clique, and most of all, made me happy most of the time. It was honestly fun hanging out with you guys, eating together at koufu/KFC/burger king after school almost everyday like as if it's our standard routine hahah! I love all of you. :-)

 Officially last day of school before O levels.

YO WAZZUP YO SUP MY BELOVED ADIK !!!!!!!! Will never forget you man Aqashah! I will always remember you not as my adik, but as that friend whom we spent the entire month together chionging and mugging for our O levels! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and teaching me certain subjects during your O levels! I've known you since sec 1 and you've grown so tall too! I still remember you were shorter than me and your voice was so gay in the past HAHAHAH! For memories sake, I'll share the video I took in sec 1! :p

Hi Evan!!! It has been such a great joy knowing you! You were one of my good friends during sec 1 and I wouldn't forget how you stood by me when I was being ostracised. Thank you for always making me laugh intentionally to see me spill water out from my mouth, the sharing of our racist jokes, and most of all, being there for me. You've grown so tall now with your signature beard and eyebrows hahah! Even though we sort of stopped being friends for quite a while, I'm so glad we managed to break the ice and patch things up once again! Anyway, you look great in your suit boy boy! Congratulations to you and Yani for being the Prom king and queen WOOOO!!!!!

Hi Jarran gay yizhi! HAHAHAH! I just wanna say thank you to you, for everything! We've been classmates since sec 1 already. Firstly, sorry for treating you really badly when we were in sec 1 and sec 2. I admit that I disliked you because you gave off that very annoying aura to me HAHAH! But despite that, you constantly gave me presents on my birthday without fail even though I didn't give you any proper ones. Your presents forever standard one, all soft toys hahahah!!! But you have good taste, they are all cute heheh! ^__^ Do you want to know why I started to treat you nicer and better? I think you don't know hahah! It was during Pahang trip, I was crying because our member left our clique, and you came over to me and sayang me. I won't forget that. We were standing outside your dorm or something hahah! That was when I felt really bad like you were treating me so kindly and I always took your kindness towards me for granted. After that, I then started to treat you nicer already hahahah! Kinda stupid but yeah that was the reason hahah! :p Even till now you're annoying as hell but you're still one of my best guy friends and I'll never forget you! ^__^ You hor, better get into a good course okay! We'll be separated for sure, but let's meet up at times alright?! Time flies so fast, still remember you were so friggin short, shorter than me and now you're taller than me zzz irritating only wahlao! LOOK AT HOW YOU WERE IN THE PAST HAHAHAHAH! (He's the one at the most right) We've all grown up now and you've grown to become more annoying and better looking of course! Hahahahah! Even though we'll be separated, I will still anticipate for my birthday present next year okay! :p

Hi once again Ali! I just wanna let you know that you're my most favourite partner all-time! I think we're really fated to be partners I swear. Forever sitting or pairing up with you one idk why! Mr Ho rearranged our seating arrangement and I sat with you. I started to change seats and then once again, during POA I was made to seat with you AGAIN! And now this time, you were my partner for prom too hahahah! Sitting with you was most of the time, a torture cuz you'd be singing and singing and singing and you can never shut up LOL! I've never seen you sad or angry before, you're such a cheerful person and you never fail to instill your cheerfulness to me. Thank you Ali for being such a great partner, an awesome friend and lastly, for making my prom night so memorable. You were super handsome that day, keep up the good work and always stay happy okay!!!!!!!! Sometimes I just wonder why are you so friggin smart, always top in the level academically despite being such a nuisance and looking like a delinquent HAHAHAH! But then, sitting with you made me realise how smart you actually are because you seem to pick things up so much faster than anyone. Anyway, good luck in your interior design course okay! :-)

Hi Amos! Thank you for being my godbrother! You're like my first and only godbrother hahah! Thank you for always being my listening ear and treating me soooooo nice!!!! Thanks a lot for always guailan-ing me also and disiao-ing me hahahahah! You're the best bro I ever had and we must always keep in touch okay!!!  Good luck in everything you do and I hope you can get into a good course next year!!!! Oh yes one more thing, hope you grow taller HEHEH! XD

Hello shawn!!! First things first, where your eyes go to sia?!?!? HAHAHAHAH!!! Okay la firstly, even though we knew each other in a way for almost 4 years already, we didn't talk in real life before but I'm glad we did during prom hahahah! I still remember the first time I know you was when we were in choir having our own practice!!! I remember Miss Lee was asking the guys to sing individually at the hall while she played a note, and you just kept singing so high I cant even HAHAH! I only knew I kept laughing at you, and that's how I know you! XD Anyway, good luck in your future and I hope you'd be able to do well for N levels since you're pretty smart!!! God bless you shawn! :-)

This one no need say. Forever typing out long letters for you one lor hahahah! I think you're gonna be my only friend whom I'm not gonna be separated after we graduate since we're both gonna be in the same school next year weee ! (If I do well for O levels lah hahah :p)

HI STACEY BAGUILAT COBRADOR!!!!!!!!!!! YOYOYO AVRIL LAVIGNE + NICKI MINAJ !!! Hahahahahah omg guys i swear stacey looked friggin gorgeous during prom!!!! FIRST TIME SHE SO FEMININE GUYS FIRST TIME. SHE WORE A DRESS TOO GUYS!!!!!!!! XDXDXD Can you imagine?! Having a girl friend who's all tom-boyish and violent, and you just can't expect her to look and wear so feminine!!!!??? HAHAHAH stacey so pretty *.* !!! Anyway, I just wanna say thanks for coming into my life and thanks for being such an awesome friend to me, coming to my aid when I needed someone there for me. Although you seem like a cold-blooded, mean and malicious person, in reality you're a super nice and caring person. I still remember you bought me Hershey cookies and cream because I was sad the previous day. From then on, I freaking hell liked you a lot you know??!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAH! Love you stacey!!!! <3

Hi Jamie low huihui !!!!! <3 I just wanna let you know that I hate you and I still hate you. HAHAHAH JUST KIDDING, I still hate you but thank you for colouring up my life SO MUCH!!!!!!!! You know, I've said it a million times and I still wanna say. Can I buy you home so if one day I'm sad, I can ask you to cheer me up?????? HAHAHAH! Seriously, you're the best person I can find to cheer me up. You're like born into this world to make people laugh I swear. Whatever you do is just so funny and annoying like bitch pls HAHAH! You were super mega gorgeous during prom I swear. You look like some hair stylist lady boss or some Mafia boss's wife hahah! You know, thanks a lot for always making me laugh. You're one of my few best friends and yeah, you're awesome. I love you jamie heheh! ^__^ One more thing, thank you for nominating me as one of the prom queen contestant like even though I was like "f**k youuuu~~~" I was like dumbfounded when you guys suddenly shouted my name. But even so, this left a very memorable memory to me and to me, this was by far the happiest moment in my entire sec school life. So yeah, thank you for the nomination even though I don't think I deserve it. ^__^ You're awesome and pretty btw.

Hi may! We've gone through sooooo many things before! I remember we were once enemies when we were like sec 1 or 2??? I can't really remember, and I also can't remember why we were such great enemies HAHAHAH!!! I guess the reason was pretty stupid but I'm so glad we managed to ease the tensions we had between us! Oh yes btw, I just wanna let you know that you were an awesome and the best soprano section leader, never doubt yourself for that alright?! You're such a sweet, kind-hearted and nice girl. Good luck in everything may! I love you and God bless !!!! <3 :-)

Hi stupid old woman. Hahahah kidding, hi melissa lim yong qi!!!!! You always look very old but despite looking old, you look really pretty at the same time yoz! DON'T GOOSE BUMP PLS, I KNOW YOU CAN'T IMAGINE ME PRAISING YOU HAHAH SHUT UP LAH YOU BETTER FEEL HONOURED K. I just wanna thank you for being my best friend during sec 1 and sec 2. You were like my only friend whom I could go to when I was left all alone. Even though there were at times when you behaved like a bitch, I just wanna let you know that you're still a very nice, sweet, considerate and kind person.  2 things I love most about you is: 1) You always never fail to buy birthday presents for your friends and you're always thinking for others.  2) You hate it when you see your friends being left out, and you'll always go to their aid or stay by them so they won't feel lonely. :-)  Continue to do that okay, really love that about you a lot. And hor, stop gossiping so much about others lah wahlao like auntie leh you buey tahan! Hahahah! Hope you'd be able to do well for O levels and stay beautiful melissa! Love you!!! ^__^ <3

Hi baboon! I just wanna tell you that you're really very retarded, annoying, imbecile, nincompoop, dunce, funny and pretty lah hahahah!!! (Although you have a flat nose HAHAHAHAH!!!) Okay lah don't disturb you and your nose. :p Thank God for placing you into my life and I just wanna let you know that you're a great girl, continue to spread the gospel and continue to be a strong girl. You're by far one of the strongest girl I've ever seen! Another thing, stop getting hurt by the same person. Learn to move on. God has an even better plan installed for you, you just have to keep holding on, persevere, have faith and trust in him! I shared this verse with my cell group and I think it's suitable for you! Matthew 21:22  "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." So I just want to let you know that even if you've prayed and things just never go the way you wanted, the way you prayed, it's fine because God surely has something greater installed for you in his plan! You just gotta keep waiting! He is never too late, never too early, he is always on time! ^__^  So just keep waiting and believing alright!!! Stop dwelling and learn to let go of what's stopping you from moving on. Learn to love yourself, before you learn how to love God and others. Here's a song for you, listen to the lyrics carefully and make your decision wisely okay? I love you ten boonyong! God bless you! :-)

Hello huihong! ^__^ I look so ugly here omg but sadly it's the only photo I have with you hahah! You know I just wanna tell you one thing, you've the most potential to be the prom queen I swear! Hahahah I was honestly mesmerised by you during prom, you were so beautiful!!! (Not por-ing you, still straight don't worry hahah!) Despite us being classmates for 2 years, we hadn't really got to know each other at all and I haven't really had a proper conversation with you hahah! But anyway, I just wanna let you know that you're really pretty, smart and I definitely know that you're a very very nice person! All the best in your future alright, and God bless you!!! ^__^ <3

Amanda, Ashlyn and I! This shot isn't complete because breelyn isn't inside. We were once a clique before and I'll never forget you guys! Thank you for all the memories we've shared together! 1E4 and 2E4 !!! ^__^

Hello jody! You and I aren't very close but I just want to let you know that you're a very cute and sweet girl! You've to open yourself up to people and don't always divert all your attention to your phone okay!!!! Hahahah! And I really hope you'd be able to find a really dependable and suitable guy! All the best in everything you do and enjoy your restaurant course in RP okay!!!! Love you heheheh ! ^__^

Hello amanda!!! You and I, we share a lot of deep memories together. You're a very very hilarious and cute person! You know honestly, I hated you so much before and you're like the most hated person to me, but I believe you hated me too HAHAH! But it's alright now, let bygones be bygones! We were all young before, don't you think? Young, immature and reckless hahah! Continue to shine for God and I hope that you'd do well for O levels and get into your desired course! Thank you for all the happy memories we once shared during Sec 1 and Sec 2! :-)

Hi rachel tan yi jing! You have such a pretty chinese name but sadly, you're in CLB like SERIOUSLY HAHAHAHAH!!!! You were so pretty during prom btw!!! Just wanna say thanks for being part of this clique, thanks for being my friend and thanks for all the memories we've shared together! Your secret is still kept safely with me don't worry! :p We'd be separating soon too but I know we'll always catch up heheh! All the best for your results, I know you can do it because you've worked very hard I know! :-) Oh yes lastly, find yourself a good guy alright and yeah, i love you fag! :D <3

Wah see your face in the photo, confirm a lot of people think, "wah this girl look so guai, so innocent, so quiet, like introvert, wah guaikia sia" HAHAHAHAHAH! Fake one lor pls, you so guailan and bad to me!!!! TT^TT I still remember the first time I met you in class 1E4 where you were like such a timid little girl HAHAH! But hor, know you long enough, wahpiang keep annoy and kaopei me like no tomorrow!!! Don't like you sia PFFT!  HAHAH ANYWAY, thank you jasmine pokka green tea for being my friend for 4 years yo! Funny how we've known each other for such a long time and we only fought like once?!?!?! HAHAHAH! You know, I've always wanted to thank you for being such a caring and nice friend to me. You were indeed one of my good friends in school! Whenever I tweeted something sad on twitter, you'd never cease to drop me a message, showing me you care and lending me a listening ear. Really love and appreciate you and your little gestures a lot. THANK YOU JASMINE CHIA JIA MIN! ^__^ I really hope and pray you'd be able to get into your psychology course!!!! You can do it one lah you smartie! I will never forget our most memorable date, which was meeting Anthony Neely even though he has a daughter already :'( HAHAH! We should catch up and hangout even after we've separated okay! Love you lah retarded! 甜蜜蜜，你笑得甜蜜蜜 !!!!  好一朵美丽的茉莉花 !!!!! XDXDXD

Last but not least, my performance with Ali on stage when we got nominated (sabotaged) to be one of the prom king and prom queen contestant! We managed to attain the 2nd position for Prom King and Prom queen unexpectedly hahahah! That particular moment would forever be imprinted in my heart and mind, because it was the best memory I'd ever had throughout my entire secondary school life.

I was extremely depressed that day mainly due to the voting part. Voting was by liking the photos taken of us (the nominees) on instagram. It means that a person could also vote for everyone, depending on themselves individually.

However, I had a friend whom I call my best friend, did not vote for me at all, but voted for another couple instead and even commented on their photo. You know guys, it's totally not about winning at all to me. I didn't even bother to give a shit about it. I came to prom with the objective of eating, taking photos and making my graduation day a memorable one. But thing is, my so called "best friend" didn't bother to support me at all. To me,  it's not about the winning, but the supporting of your own friends.  It felt really kinda hurtful to me if you can comprehend what i'm trying to say.

Like even if my friend were to be nominated but I don't feel like she deserves it, I'd still support her all the way for the reason because she's my friend. I don't know about you guys, but after that I felt really demoralised and felt that I didn't have the potential to even be nominated.

It's pretty saddening to have someone you call your best friend, to not support you and instead support others when she could have supported both. Till now, I still feel like I shouldn't have went up, I should have said that I had diarrhea or smth and escaped that hahahah!

Just sharing my thoughts with you guys! Really hope someone understands. You know what, I just hate competitions based on votes. It's pretty stupid because there would definitely be people who objects to other people winning.

But at the end of the day, I enjoyed myself on stage with my partner fully. It was so fun. ^__^ Even though I feel like I shouldn't have been nominated, I still wanna thank those people who nominated me. Because of them, I was able to enjoy my prom night so much and make this day one of the most memorable day ever in my life. Thank you so much guys for making my objective a successful one. :')